


Rough Patches

by valkyrish



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Conflict Resolution, Denial, F/M, Fighting, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 13:55:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3292865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valkyrish/pseuds/valkyrish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, admitting that you’re wrong is easier than admitting someone else is right. The highs are easy, but we are made or broken in the lows. In other words, Kanan and Hera have had a rough week.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rough Patches

**Author's Note:**

> Pre-Star Wars Rebels, before Kanan and Hera were the parenting team we now know and love. Not quite romance, but there's something there.

Angry echoes rattled through the Ghost’s loading chamber as boot soles hit the metal ramp, growing louder as the Captain and her one-man crew ascended.

Once inside, Hera whipped around on her heels to lunge toward Kanan. She wanted to throw him off, but he just took a calm step back and crossed his arms. Where had those reflexes been moments ago?  
  
“What happened back there, Kanan? We have no money, no food, and, oh yeah, you almost got those farmers killed!”  
  
“They’re still alive, aren’t they?” He wagged his finger in her direction. “You were supposed to be providing cover!”  
  
Hera pushed his hand away with a snarl. “How could I when you weren’t where you were supposed to be?”  
  
He shrugged. “I was improvising. It’s not my fault you can’t keep up.”  
  
“Improvising?” Hera threw up her hands. “Is that what you call endangering the lives of innocent people?” She turned away and stormed ahead through the ship. Kanan’s heavy footsteps behind her grated on her ears, and she tried to drown him out with a loud growl.

“Right, because I screwed up on purpose. I was just trying to keep you on your toes.”

Hera scoffed. As if he had just bought the wrong kind of cheese or something trivial. After years of conditioning, nothing ever got to the surface with him. 

She whirled around again, rubbing her forehead in an attempt to stave off her impending headache. “Spare me the sarcasm. It’s been weeks since we’ve had a real meal. We need food, we need fuel, so for once, can you please take something seriously?”  
  
“Why should I, when the whole rebellion is clearly just a joke to me?” Now he was legitimately annoyed. There was no reasoning with him when he was like this, and there was no preventing that headache now.  
  
“You are not helping your case!”  
  
“What case? I made a call, it wasn’t a good one, but nobody died! I’d say that’s a pretty good day for us.” He leaned against the wall, faking a smirk. At least he could admit his mistake, but the past two weeks were littered with mistakes, most of which were his.  
  
“Not good enough, not when it keeps happening!” This was a dangerous path she was walking, but their meals were getting smaller and smaller, and the failures were all she could think about. His eyes narrowed.  
  
“So it's been a bad week. Or two. Let’s not forget that these are your plans.” There was no trace of sarcasm in his voice now.  
  
“The plans aren’t the problem! You had a chance to take out those stormtroopers before the fire, but you didn’t.”  
  
“I didn’t think they were going to start a fire. What was I supposed to do?”  
  
Hera answered him with a hard stare. The moment he caught on, he went rigid and his expression darkened.  
  
"Just what are you getting at?" he demanded, voice cold. She rallied on him, leaning in so close she could feel him breathing. It was a dirty tactic; effective, but risky, given the effect it could have on her. But Hera was strong enough to handle it. She had lots of practice gazing into his eyes without falling too deep.  
  
"You know damn well what I’m getting at.” He didn’t falter, didn’t even blink, so she pressed on, determined to win. “You can do better. You know it, and I know it.”  
  
At this, he recoiled, sweeping out from under her in one swift movement.  
  
“You’re really going there?”  
  
She folded her arms across her chest, keeping her eyes on him. “One of us has to.”  
  
He fell silent, looking away from her before he spoke. “Look, I appreciate your input, really, I do, but this one’s not your call, Captain.”  
  
"Maybe not, but you know what’s at stake!" She punctuated her words with a jab at his chest. "If we’re going to have a shot, we can’t keep having weeks like these. Every time we stumble, they lap us.”  
  
His reply was soft. “And what was I supposed to do with all those witnesses? You know what’s at stake for me.”  
  
She did, to the extent that he had let her in, but it didn’t matter. “This is bigger than you. Both of us need to make sacrifices, and you knew that going in.”  
  
His eyes went wide. “Sacrifices? So, dropping everything to follow you around for the past year doesn’t count?”  
  
“Of course it does.” She appreciated it more than she could ever say, but that didn’t stop her from going on. “But you didn’t exactly have much to leave behind.” Kanan sighed.  
  
“Just security, sanity, peace and quiet…” He ticked off each item on his fingers.  
  
“Please, you hate when things get too quiet.” She almost cracked a smile at that. “And you can’t sacrifice things you never had.”  
  
“Well, who am I to argue with the expert on sacrifices for the Empire?” He made no attempt to hide his resentment, and her glimmer of a lighter mood was extinguished.  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?" She had a good idea, but she couldn’t believe he would go there. Then again, if she could cross unspoken lines, so could he.  
  
"Forget it."  
  
She squeezed her eyes shut. Of course he was closing himself off. “If you’ve got a problem with me, come out and say it.”  
  
A heavy silence settled between them before Kanan dared to reply.  
  
“The Empire’s taken too much from us already. Why would you give them anything else?”  
  
And there was his weakness: her. The open statement caught her off guard, and the soft look in his eyes dampened her anger. Adoring gazes she could handle, but this one treaded on intimate, dangerous territory. She swallowed. Trying to hide her reaction was pointless.  
  
“You don’t understand,” she whispered. “This war, it needs everything I’ve got. All of my energy. All of yours, if you’re willing.”  
  
His expression was unchanged. "You know I am. But there are some things I’m not willing to give the Empire. Because if I do, it feels like they win.”  
  
She shook her head. “You still don’t get it. I’m not giving the Empire anything. Someone has to stand up to them, for the sake of the people who can’t. So those people can have what I can’t.”  
  
Kanan didn’t look away. “I do understand. But nothing is going to change who you are, and nothing can make us forget what we need to do.” She could fill in the words he wasn’t saying. “And ignoring it doesn’t make it go away.”  
  
None of this was news to her, but it still came as a shock to hear it out loud. It wasn't long after they took up together before she started fighting these thoughts herself. The only thing she could do now was paraphrase him. “I appreciate your input, but that’s really not your call.”  
  
It came out colder than she intended, and he finally looked away.  
  
"Point taken.” He let out a sigh. “I’m going out for a drink.”  
  
Just like that, he was back to being obnoxious, and her anger resurfaced. She shouldn't have been so surprised. Someday he would have to face what he was, but today was not looking like that day.  
  
"And how exactly are you going to buy it? Or is this finally high enough on your radar to merit dipping into the Force?"  
  
He shot her a dark look. “There are easier ways to get drinks.”  
  
Her heart sank. The disappointment was worse than the anger. An unpleasant prickling in her stomach reminded her that it wasn't just the rebellion he was shirking. The prospect of him siding up to some lonely woman for alcohol and who knew what else was unsettling, but she said nothing. ‘Just because you don’t have time for romance doesn’t mean he shouldn’t,’ she thought. ‘And you really shouldn’t be upset about it.’  
  
Kanan scrutinized her face and she wondered just how much subtext he was getting. “Problem?”  
  
Hera heaved a sigh. "No, no problem. Seems like we’re gonna be stuck on this planet for a while. I’ll just be here, figuring out or next move."  
  
Kanan opened his mouth as if to say something, but he shook his head, turned, and walked away.  
  
He may have left, but his words about sacrifices for the Empire hung in the air. She hadn’t relinquished her ability to love to the Empire, and Kanan knew that. But the more they pursued it, the more they indulged it, the less there was to give to the rebellion. The cause had to come first. She cared about him too much as it was, and she couldn’t risk living in a world where she might one day choose him over the war.  
  
Maybe they would never see eye to eye on that, but it was her choice, not his, and definitely not the Empire’s.  
  
Suddenly she saw the parallels. Nothing she said (or implied) about him being a Jedi was new to him. He probably struggled with it every day. But maybe that was all the more reason not to push. It was his decision.  
  
She had already spent too long thinking on it for today. Hunger in any form was not going to be a distraction.  
  
Hera spent the next few hours scanning communications frequencies for leads. She wasn’t sure how long she had been at it when she was interrupted by Kanan’s voice, requesting permission to board. He didn’t sound drunk.  
  
Unlocking the door without much of a greeting, she surveyed her notes. A couple items stuck out at her, so the night was not a waste.  
  
She didn’t even look up when she heard Kanan’s footsteps.  
  
"Must have been some drink," she muttered.  
  
"Didn’t end up drinking. Thought about it, but something possessed me to be more productive." And he laid a small stack of currency down in front of her.  
  
When she looked up, eyes wide in amazement, he was staring down at her with a satchel in his hand. His expression had softened quite a bit since he left, and she couldn’t help but smile back up at him.  
  
Something smelled incredible, and her stomach growled.  
  
"What is all this?" She wasn’t suspicious, just surprised.  
  
"Turns out the local bar was looking for some under the table help with an influx of business. Everyone was laying low, but drunk guards make good tippers. And good informants." His smile widened. "Oh, and it turns out the cook’s a friend of a friend," he added, producing some containers of stew from his bag. Hera could have kissed him.  
  
“Nothing has ever looked so delicious." She was looking right at him. It was an easy setup, one Kanan wouldn’t be able to resist.  
  
"The stew’s not so bad, either, but I am all yours for dessert."  
  
And there he was. Her shoulders felt lighter than they had in days.  
  
They took their meal to the mess, savoring the taste of real food in revered silence for some time before Kanan spoke again.  
  
"The money should be enough to get us back in the air, though we should probably hang around." He frowned. "Those guards got a little loose lipped about their next mission, and a slave trade reeks enough on its own, even without that extra Imperial stench."  
  
"In ward 267 tomorrow night?" she asked. "I heard about it, too.”  
  
They exchanged the details as they finished their meal, filling in each other’s blanks and forming a plan.  
  
The stew would last a few days, and with a sated stomach, it was easier for Hera to remember that she and Kanan had been through worse. She had overreacted, and the mess today was her fault, too.  
  
The rush of warmth and loyalty she felt sitting next to him now was more comforting than the food. There were going to be setbacks, but they accomplished so much more together than she had ever been able to do alone.  
  
When he stood to pack up the remaining food for later, she decided that it was time to tell him.  
  
"Kanan, about what I said earlier. I know you did what you could, and I trust your judgment." She stood up for the hardest part. "I was wrong, and I’m sorry I pushed you."  
  
Kanan looked over his shoulder in surprise.  
  
"Crap, you beat me to it.”  
  
“Hey, I’m just trying to catch up with the grand gesture here,” she said with a smirk. When he turned around to face her, he was smiling that adoring smile, and she couldn't help but return it.  
  
“I’m sorry, too. You know what you’re doing and I shouldn’t have pushed you, either.” Chucking, he added, “So it looks like we were both wrong today.”  
  
They kept sharing that smile until Kanan went back to his room to clean up from tending bar.  
  
As much as the conversation (and meal) had lifted her spirits, an unsettling little feeling remained in the back of her mind.  
  
They were both wrong to say the things they did, but that didn’t change the fact that they both had some valid points. She saw it in his eyes, as she was sure he saw it in hers.  
  
She shook the thoughts from her head and headed to the common area. Kanan never took long to get ready, so he would be there soon to hear about the rest of her leads.  
  
All that mattered for now was that peace was restored and their next plan was in motion, and that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Please don’t push on the setting, because it is flimsy as hell and will fall down. 
> 
> In a close relationship, be it friendly or romantic or both, you are in the unique and terrifying position of being able to hurt that person like no other. Throw a little hunger and failure into the mix and things can get ugly, but these two are made of stronger stuff.


End file.
